Commitment

What Makes It Work?

A commitment is what you make to someone when you feel that they are the only one for you.

A checklist of myths about commitment and some ideas about what it really means.

There are many false beliefs about commitment. Check your ideas against the following and see if you can grasp a better understanding of what it means.


Common False Beliefs about Commitment

1. Commitment is an Ideal.  True or False?
False. Commitment is actually an experience as real as driving a car. If you are not sure that you are committed, then it is a sign that you are not. You will know when you are.

2. There are degrees or levels of commitment. True or False?
False. Commitment is either there or not. There is no such thing as being a little committed or very committed; only totally committed.

3. Commitment is something you make as long as the relationship meets a need. True or False?
False. Commitment is what you make to someone when you feel that they are the only one for you. If you get into a relationship for a “reason” or “need” then once you have solved that reason or need there is no reason or need for the relationship.

4. Commitment can be made for certain time periods. True or False?
False. Commitment is done in the spirit of FOREVER.

5. You can be committed to more than one person. True or False?
False. Commitment reads “not available”. This means not available to anyone other than the person to whom you are committed.

6. Commitment means that all your needs will be met. True or False?
False. Commitment means that at times, you can be selfless enough to make your partner’s needs more important than your own. People who can do this have a strong grasp of who they are, how to get their own needs met and know how to set limits, say “no” and stay true to themselves.

7. Commitment is easy and can be made with words. True or False?
False. Commitment means that in your heart and mind and in private or public, your behaviour makes the statement that you are your partner’s man or woman. This calls for your ego to be less important than your partner’s need to tell you how bad they feel about something you have done, even if this means having to be wrong or looking foolish. At times commitment can be a hard slog.

8. One person can make a commitment work. True or False?
False. Commitment means that you love your partner so much that you are able to make their needs more important than your own and you are prepared to occasionally be in a state of discomfort for the sake of their comfort. It is important that this willingness to sacrifice is reciprocal.

9. Anyone can make a commitment. True or False?
False. Having read the real meaning of commitment it may be clear that not everyone is capable, especially when it requires the ability to be responsible for yourself and, at the same time, be selfless enough to make your partner’s needs more important than your own.

10. Commitment isn’t worth the trouble. True or False?
False. The ability to commit can bring enormous rewards and put you on a higher plane.

Adapted from an article by Toby Green in the Herald Sun titled “Commit or walk away”.


These are only general suggestions. You should always seek outside help if you are unsure what to do.

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