Struggling after miscarriage, abortion, ectopic pregnancy, IVF losses or stillbirth?
Whether the pregnancy was planned or unplanned, you may experience a range of feelings including disbelief, sadness, emptiness, anger, disappointment and isolation. These are normal feelings that we experience after any loss. Early losses are often overlooked by others – perhaps they didn't know you were pregnant. Sometimes others say unhelpful things like, 'never mind, you can try again'.
Post abortion grief - you may feel you can't tell anyone and don't deserve compassion because you 'chose' it. The strength of your feelings may have taken you completely by surprise. No matter what the circumstances of your loss, your emotions are real and personal. You are not the only one to feel this way after abortion.
Men and women tend to grieve in different ways - You may not want to show your grief in front of your partner because you think it will make her feel worse. You may put your own feelings aside, or use alcohol, drugs or work to avoid your pain and feelings of helplessness. This can lead to conflict in the relationship as your partner may feel you have become silent and distant and she may interpret this as 'you don't care'.
There are things you can do to help yourself heal and find the strength you need to get through one day at a time.
Seek Support – Reach out, even though it may feel hard at first. Help is available. Our counsellors are specially trained to support you as you move through this time of grief and loss.
Accept the grief – It's OK to cry or yell or just feel sad. At first, you may need to take time to grieve daily.
Be kind to yourself – Tell others what you need from them – maybe listening, sharing memories or just being there.
Take care of yourself – If you are experiencing physical problems such as a knot in your stomach, headaches or sleeplessness these could be part of your grief. Have a physical check-up and take care of yourself by establishing good nutrition, rest and relaxation.
When you are ready, think about creating some memories to help you acknowledge and honour your loss.
Gather information – Click on the Resources Tab to read some personal stories and to download our help sheets - they may help you gain perspective on your situation. You can also find out about our Rachel's Vineyard retreats for post abortion healing, Remembrance Services for early pregnancy losses and other ways to remember your baby.