Parents are important
 

Tips and encouragement for parents.

Communication.

Sexuality.

Help available.

Did you know that most teenagers move through adolescence without much trouble? Most develop into healthy young adults and with family support and encouragement most cope well with school and social life during these teenage years and achieve their potential for a healthy and happy future.

But some don’t! And some teenagers give their parents a tough time in the process of growing up. Parents may then ask themselves what they can do to protect their teenagers from making poor decisions or having so much difficulty in their lives.
 

• Talk to your teenager about the things that are important to both of you. Open up those communication channels because communication is the key to developing good relationships with your teen.

• Make sure your teenager feels strongly about themselves. Getting your teen to concentrate on positive aspects of their personality, appearance and achievements helps foster their self-esteem which is vital for dealing with the pitfalls of adolescence.

• Make sure your teenager feels they really belong to the family. A strong feeling of connection to the family now will help withstand all sorts of threats.

• Make sure that family rules are in place. Teens love to challenge rules and as well as the obvious benefits of rules, they will learn about self-discipline and self control.

• Set firm boundaries and don’t be afraid to be firm about your values. Let your teenager know exactly where you stand on certain issues. Teens are in the process of forming their own values about important issues. They will most certainly challenge you but this is normal and good for the teen who is working through what he/she believes.

• You don’t need to be an expert to talk to your teenager. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember, you are the best person to impart knowledge, skills and values.

• You are the most effective role model for your teenager. They will learn more from watching you and how you behave than from anything you can tell them.

“It has been shown in American studies that teenagers who have a strong sense of belonging to their family develop a resilience that helps them to withstand many of the hazards of teenage culture, and are less likely to be involved with the more dangerous behaviours of youth.” (The Puberty Game. Dr John Court. 1997)
 

Encourage Your Kids To Open Up!

• plan time together

• ask for their opinions

• accept what the child feels is valid

• eye contact

• posture, open and attentive

• request more information to show your interest

• reflect their feelings back to them to show you understand:
  “This has made you really angry.”
  “That was embarrassing for you.”

• don’t interrupt

• don’t pre-prepare your answer while they are still talking

• encourage by voice, eyes, gestures

• avoid put-downs

• build self-esteem:
  “You did a great job.”
  “I’m proud of the way you handled that.”

• don’t embarrass them in public; avoid personal criticism

• apologise when you are in the wrong

• 90% praise, 10% criticis

• use humour but not sarcasm

• keep calm and lower your voice

• privacy is important

• earn their confidence

• build trust

• for correcting/criticising

• “With what words do I send him/her off for the day?”

• “With what words do I welcome him/her home?”

• “With what words do I leave him/her to go to sleep?”

• be vulnerable, open

• share fears and joys

• try ‘I-messages’:
  “I feel worried when you don’t let me know where you are. What can we do about this?”

• NOT ‘You-messages’
  “You are always so thoughtless and inconsiderate. You never think about me.”

• ‘I-messages’ will help resolve the problem.

• set very clear boundaries and firm guidelines

• mind-reading never works