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Ben -
Handling Stress in the social scene
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Friendships change a lot over the years but towards the end of
secondary school they form one of the strongest, most necessary
pieces of our lives. Our friends often know more about us than
our family. We share just about every experience with them. |
It's with our friends that we
But at the same time we are
fine-tuning the sense of who we are as individuals.
At the same time we are
sharing so much of our lives with our friends, we are also thinking and
deciding more and more for ourselves. Friendships become a fine balance
between being really close and independent and going our separate ways.
Along the way, there can be
some pressure, hurt and disappointment.
When things get out of
balance a plan can help.
When you’ve got a PROBLEM you need a PLAN!
see what Ben did....
Ben has a great group of
friends. There’s always someone to do something with, whether it’s a
game of basketball, going out on the town, watching videos at someone’s
house or going to gatherings and parties together.
There is a strong feeling of loyalty within the group. Parents are kept
as uninformed as possible. If someone stuffs up, the others look out for
him. Ben really enjoys that feeling of unconditional acceptance and he
feels much freer with his friends than he does at home.
Last week Robbo’s parents had gone away for the weekend and Robbo had
got some drinks and dope. Ben’s parents were allowing him the odd drink
at home but weren’t happy about him drinking at parties before he was
18. Obviously drugs were totally off the menu! Ben can’t remember much
about the party except that he was sitting on the trampoline, stoned and
blind drunk, before he threw up.
The next day he felt really bad. He’d had a really good time, but he
didn’t feel comfortable with what he had done and where this was
heading. Another gathering was planned. He had already put in some money
for dope. He knew his mates wouldn’t pressure him into anything... he
felt pressure within himself to be part of the same experience. He was
worried about not being able to resist when he got there. But the only
alternative was to cut himself off from his friends.
Ben had a problem... He
needed a plan!
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STOP... What are you feeling?
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Guilty, confused and
stressed. |
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Why? Because I’ve started
smoking dope, but I know I shouldn’t do it. I liked the feeling and I
don’t know if I can resist doing it again. I don’t want to be left
behind by the group because they’re doing it and I’m not.
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LOOK...What is happening? |
Look at the problem from both
sides.
My side: I’ve already
done it. All my friends are, it’s just what everyone does. I don’t want
to be the odd one out. Even if my friends don’t say anything, they will
feel threatened if I stay straight while they’re stoned. I only feel
guilty because my parents make me feel that way.
Another perspective:
Others can’t make me feel guilty so I must know in my own heart that I
shouldn’t be doing this. Just because I slipped up once doesn’t mean I
can’t get back on track. I am only ‘using’ to be part of the group but
there is more to me than being a member of that friendship group.
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LISTEN...to your feelings.
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What message are they giving
you?
I feel worried about being
isolated from my friends. Even though I enjoyed the feeling of being
stoned, I still think it’s a pretty dumb thing to do. I’m not sure if
I’m strong enough to resist the temptation when it’s right there in
front of me. Part of me wants to belong and part of me wants to be
myself.
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THINK... What do I feel like doing?
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Getting stoned and not worrying about it.
Is it a good idea?
No.
Will it mean more problems?
If smoking dope becomes the
reason to hang out, is the group still worth being with? Things seem
pretty amazing when you’re stoned. You feel really close to each other,
but it’s not real. Soon the dependency on pot to have a good time spoils
the group, as it becomes less and less real. Is it worth smoking dope
for what is, in the end, an un-real friendship group.
What do I feel like doing?
Talking to my older brother
and uncle about it all and asking their advice. Telling my closest
friend in the group how I am feeling. Trying to avoid situations where I
know dope will be smoked. Not hanging out so much with the group, but
staying in touch with them individually. Hanging out with people who I
know aren’t doing drugs. Trusting myself to be able to resist when
others around me are smoking dope. Remembering that I am my own person
and that, while friendships are important, I also have to be comfortable
with being with myself.
These are only general
suggestions. You should always seek outside help if you are unsure what
to do. If you need to talk to someone right now you can call
OPEN DOORS
COUNSELLING
5 Greenwood Ave Ringwood. 3134
Ph: (03) 9870 7044
Freecall outside Melbourne 1800 647 995
Email: info@opendoors.com.au
Updated May 2005
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