What makes a good relationship?

Know the Difference between Infatuation and Love.
 

This brief article offers some perspectives on love and sex, and gives you some guidelines for thinking through your relationship.

Experiencing the feelings of love and intimacy can be the most wonderful and the most heartbreaking moments in your life. The longing, the need and the desire for intimacy are a part of life for everyone. They can be even more so if you experience yourself as lacking the feeling that you “belong”.
 

In and of itself, sexual intercourse does not remove loneliness and the lack of belonging. Yet, countless people believe it will. These people are invariably disappointed.

A recent New Zealand survey, reported in the British Medical Journal indicated that most women believed they should have waited longer before having sex. On average women were aged 16 years at first intercourse, 10% were drunk at the time and nearly one-third who experienced intercourse before 16 years ended up with a sexually transmitted disease. Curiosity about what it would be like was the most common reason for engaging in sexual intercourse (Herald Sun 2/1/98).
 

Saying no when everyone seems to be having sex can feel lonely. However, not all girls experience it that way. Those who choose not to have sex until in a marriage relationship are increasing in number. CLEO (November 1997) included an article about these women who remain virgins for many reasons including self-respect, fear of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases and a belief that sex is something special to be shared with only one person. These women want a man who will cherish them for who they are and his preparedness to wait is seen as a statement of love and commitment.

Being able to judge whether your feelings are REAL LOVE can be difficult, especially as a teenager. Questions that you might ask of your relationship include:

• RESPECT - Does he or she listen when you speak? Does he/she know the things that are most important to you and vice versa?

• EQUALITY - What do you do together as shared interests? Do you share each other’s friends?

• AFFECTION - Are there any signs of affection or kindness apart from sexual activity?

• LOYALTY - Is he/she loyal to you regardless of what his/her friends think and do?

• LIBERATION - Do you have someone to turn to apart from your boyfriend/girlfriend? What is the future of your education and other life goals if this relationship continues?

• OPENESS - Do you and your partner express negative feelings of guilt, anger, depression? Do you and your partner freely express positive feelings of love and affection?

• VIGOR - Is the intensity of the relationship one sided?

• ENRICHMENT - Do you like the way you act whilst in this relationship? Do you believe that you have matured in it?
  There are many ways to show that you care: making friends and enjoying life, sharing fun in sport and other activities, sharing feelings about what you want out of life and listening to the other person. When you are open and honest with your partner it’s amazing how many feelings you will both share and how close you can feel.

There are many ways to show that you care: making friends and enjoying life, sharing fun in sport and other activities, sharing feelings about what you want out of life and listening to the other person. When you are open and honest with your partner it’s amazing how many feelings you will both share and how close you can feel.
 

These are only general suggestions. You should always seek outside help if you are unsure what to do. If you need to talk to someone right now you can call

OPEN DOORS COUNSELLING
5 Greenwood Ave Ringwood. 3134
Ph: (03) 9870 7044
Freecall outside Melbourne 1800 647 995
Email: info@opendoors.com.au

Updated May 2005